If my true self
makes you fear for your life,
I’ll take pity, ‘cause who’d tell
such a terrible lie?
We’ve had to relearn,
while you get to ignore
because it’s not your concern
when you get to win wars.
You weaponize me
to justify your hand;
you’re desperate to defeat
what you can’t understand.
My lone agenda is to exist,
yours is to destroy
my love and twist it
into something you can enjoy.
It was never meant to be easy,
but I’m so afraid
when you assure me
in the same image we were made.
Call Me What I Am
Oh, how easy it is
to let you call me by the wrong name-
the one with letters that bend like a woman and her curves.
A bending that is not easy at all.
A bending that knows broken backs and smiles and
is sometimes able to break water
(yes, even Poseidon must kneel to those who bend).
The only ease I refer to is the way you have taken it upon yourself to bend me,
and I do not exert the energy to correct you.
But I am not so flexible.
Though I have stretched and been stretched,
I do not fit.
When you call for me,
it is not right.
When you call for me,
I do not hear my name,
that of the woman you want me to be.
her name is picked carefully
like the lilies
by the grave of her great grandpa.
And I know it is by his hands her name blooms.
She’s an angel,
but I don’t know if I believe in that stuff anymore.
Perhaps there is no name that can reflect all that I am.
Perhaps my ears will forever be full of all that I am not.
But to be called by the color of my eyes,
the stubborn hue of the sky,
the light that refuses to be absorbed in the ocean’s waves,
to be called by the color I’ve always known was mine
would be so simple.
Blue Adams is a writer, reader, and Oxford comma enthusiast. Currently working toward a Bachelor’s degree at Northern Kentucky University, Blue is always eager to learn and discover new ways of playing with language. You will also probably see them doing one of the following at any given time: playing Rummy 2000, eating pasta, obsessing over queer media, or playing Duolingo. Aaand writing and reading at some point. Blue is super excited to share their writing and spread all that queer love as far as it will go! To see more of their work (and them!) check out their account @xxazulado on Instagram.